we’re back in the USA. it’s 1:13am, and we just got to my parents house in Houston, Texas. tomorrow we will drive to Trinity, Texas to see Cayden and Deacon.
in all honesty, home doesn’t feel quite as complete as it once did. i’m really excited about seeing C&D, but i can’t help but feel like our family is incomplete… there’s 2 people missing, and i dont know when they’ll be here. before i touched and held Amos and Story, it was easier to cope with not having them here. but i honestly feel like i’ve lost 2 children. i know they are safe, and i know they are in a loving environment. i am grateful beyond words for the situation we are in…we are in a unique situation, as there are many adoptive parents around the world that dont have contact with their children they are waiting to adopt. but, i cant help but think about laying next to Amos a few nights ago, holding his hand as he fell asleep next to me.
maybe its the emotions that come with a long day of traveling + all the crazy feelings i have from my time in Haiti. or maybe it’s simply the fact that God has so united my heart to theirs, and as their father, 2 pieces of my heart and soul have vanished. i don’t know if Amos bonded with his father, but i do know that my heart has been shackled to his. i can still smell his breath… i can still feel his feet in my hands as he sits on my shoulders while we walk through the village of La Digue, Haiti… i can still feel Story’s giant eyes look into mine as her tiny hands squeeze my fingers…
mission trips come and go… some profoundly alter the course of our futures, others simply nudge us along the path God has for us. this one has uniquely changed me… it’s as if my heart has been torn in two… there’s a piece here for Jamie and Cayden and Deacon, but there’s also a piece still in Cazale with Amos and Story.
i cannot fully describe what i feel when i think of them tonight. in a word, loss.
Oh, that feeling of emptiness that cannot be described by mere words. It’s a God placed longing for completeness. It’s why I am awake at 2:06 a.m. thinking, praying, contemplating, wondering. When you feel as though your children are scattered about instead of right under your loving care, no one can possibly understand except those who have been or are there right now. Praying that things will move quickly and that feeling of completeness will once again fill the Ivey’s soul. Bring them home Father, bring them home.
Waiting on Him,
Amy Hood
I’ve come here through the Livesay’s blog. I just want to say I know exactly what you are speaking about. It is a literal ache within you. It can’t be described in words, but it literally hurts. You come back to America and everything that mattered here before now seems so trivial…because you have children missing. I know your pain and I pray that you will feel the presence of God embrace your family today…all of you here and in Haiti. I will join you in praying your children home!
Aaron,
I am moved by your words….again!! You became a loving Father of four this past week….pictures of Amos and Story became reality for you and I can feel your deep love for them. You shared your heart with all this week and for that I am eternally thankful. I have and will continue to learn from others who are so willing to share.
I will lift your family in prayer.
glad you are home safe (and ruined).
Glad you guys made it home safe. And Amos and Story are stunningly beautiful. I will pray that things go quickly and smoothly until you have them home and your arms.
I’m wondering if you know Eric and Natalie Noah-Wilson from Nashville as well. Last year they completed an adoption of three from Haiti.
i didn’t know i needed to start my morning with a good cry until i read your post :-)
our son is adopted from guatemala and your words transported me immediately back to the feeling of leaving after our first visit. having to hand him back into the capable and loving hands of the wonderful woman who was caring for him in her home - she was an ANGEL, but still, my arms were SO empty without him.
today, he is sitting beside me as i write this, sucking down juice and asking if we can go buy some talking chipmunks.
somehow, god gives us the strength to make it thru the process, but it will forever leave it’s mark on your soul. i used to laugh when misguided people would tell me that at least i didn’t have to go thru the pain of childbirth - ha, if they only knew . . .
i pray that your journey is swift and you have your beautiful kids home SOON.
linda
What a great photo of your boy! Such character already in that sage, old baby face!
Thanks again for the comfort of familiarity. It is so good to read about the emotions and experiences of others walking through this devastating, miraculous blessing of adoption!
He looks so big!!!!!
I remember when I came home from my first volunteer trip to South Asia, and home for me just wasn’t the same anymore. I knew God had shown me a different purpose for my family and I. Work and my house were just not that important any more, and I longed to get back and make an impact for God’s Kingdom here. God calls all of us to impact His kingdom somehow, and we’re proud to know you guys and that you are following His call to be Godly parents to those in need. By the way, we also listen to your “Sleepwalkers” album here. It never gets old! Bless you guys!
dear friend, i am praying for you and jamie … i so appreciate you sharing your heart and journey w/ us … you are both amazing people and your children will be home one day and their lives will make a difference to so many … i fully believe when you adopt God changes you in a way He can do w/ no other experience … It is a small glimpse of heaven … Stay strong and know that many stand in the gap w/you as we pray for Amos and Story …